Him.

He has no idea but he shines like a candle in the night.

He gives off warmth and light that is felt throughout the entire room.

Unable to retreat he pushes through like a wrenching ball demolishing walls in its path.

Like a skyscraper he stands tall as the sun reflects on his integrity and shoots beams of light onto the horizon.

As the clouds fade and rainbows colour the sky his mere existence enriches the depths of my being, far surpassing the maze of emotions and unfinished puzzles laying at the door step of my soul.

He has no idea but he is more.

More to me than he knows.

LE. Lengane.

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Samantha Booysen.

Fiercely tolerant, strikingly profound, outrageously reserved.

My friend…

A very strange individual indeed, she flurishes unlike any flower… alone, in the dark is where she gathers her thoughts.

She finds strength in being differant and power in being silent.

Her exterior is that of a sea shell; hard yet radiant to look at, difficult to open but breathtaking within, seldom seen but always heard of, her heart is that of a pearl, many try to imitate but few get to hold it.

She marches to the beat of her own drum, dancing to the tune of her own mind, singing along to her soul, embracing the music to her being, speaking a melody few recognise for she composes her own thoughts and views.

A women of few words but she speaks with meaning.

A football fanatic with a soul that matches that of rhythm and blues.

My friend… Samantha Booysen

LE. Lengane.

The Birth of Explicit

I’ve always known I had a way with words and for many years I would write down my inner, most deepest thoughts and feelings.

I use to have books or rather ”personal diaries” expressing things I was to afraid to say out loud… The fear of being misunderstood was soo apparent until now.

Don’t get me wrong being misunderstood is still a constant in my life, however the fear thereof is non-existent at this point… Anyway lets get back to the topic at hand; the birth of my baby Explicit.

I was going through a rough time when I started this blog.

I was searching for an outlet one could say, I figued there would be no harm in me expressing myself by using this platfrom.

Unfortunately one of my pieces brought about some unexpected drama which I refuse to apologise for, I mean how can you apologise when individuals only grasp your work with their own level of understanding?

Excuse me for straying from the bigger discussion at hand.

Explicit Content was a dual project actually…

Someone close to me helped me come up with the name and he stayed awake with me while I was searching for the perfect platform to use…couple months down the line, he’s still reading my stuff without me having to ask him, now that’s love and support.

After uploading a piece, I always try to inform people about it, not because I’m searching for recognition but because I’d like to have my stories positively impact others, whether it helps them broaden their outlook on things or simply having them relate to it.

It’s always refreshing knowing that you aren’t the only one going through something, even better knowing that someone else has or is going through the same thing you’re going through, hence Explicit ”stating something clearly and in detail” and Content ”peaceful perhaps happiness”

Togther Explicit Content aims to share detailed stories or events in my life but with a hint of peace, peace in knowing that I’ve come this far and that my stories might uplift the masses.

I thought about deleting my blog a couple months ago, I think it’s cause I’m convinced people don’t have a care in the world to actually read my work…

I think it was in that moment that I decided I wanted to hold onto it a little longer.

God gave me many gifts, this being one of them.

I always told myself that I’d find a way to use these gifts to bring some kind of happiness to others so here I am attempting to do just that.

Thank you again to those who do take the time to read my work.

I hope it brings you just as much comfort reading it as I’ve had writing it.

LE. Lengane

Connected.

Everlasting connections and undying relationships are very dear to me.

I lost my friend recently.

He had this charismatic way about him, it’s as if light would beam out of him. He knew he was special, he could see it in the way I looked at him.

I loved him.

I remember finding out that he was no more. I felt my heart sink, as if something inside of me broke. I wasn’t alone… I was one of many who loved him, who cared for him, who cherished him.

An undying relationship; that’s what we had. He never faltered when it came to the love he shared with the individuals he cared for. He never asked for much, if anything he lived his life giving and expecting nothing in return.

An everlasting connection; that’s what we’ll have. He might be gone physically but the memories will forever be with me.

He made himself a host in my soul, a true friend to say the most.

I made it a mission of mine to say my final goodbyes, to see him one last time. I felt the tears roll down my eyes as I took the time to acknowledge that this was our final goodbye.

He made himself a host in my soul, a true friend to say the most.

When he became a friend of mine, I never knew he’d leave so many shattered pieces left behind.

I can proudly say he knew this heart of mine and analysed it with delight.

He made himself a host in my soul, true friend to say the most.

Your memory will stay with me, a reminder that you were once a dear friend to me.

I’ll remember your light close to me, forever burning undyingly.

A ribben around my heart, the connection that’ll never part.

I’ll cherish our memories for that’s where you’ll remain forever young and peaceful to me.

A ribben around my heart, the connection that’ll never part.

You were a true friend to me, a cherished soul to say the least.

I’ll love you for all eternity.

LE. Lengane.

Unexpected Surprise.

So the aim for this story is not to sound too cheesy but I’ve subconsciously came to the conclusion that this piece might be.

I’m a sucker for love.

I think love has a funny way of coming into your life when you least expect it.

I should know, I’m practically an advocate for this phenomenon.

My partner and I went to the same High school and we knew the same people, we walked along the same corridors and we had the same teachers, I knew his name and he knew mine but that was it at the time.

I’ve been in love before and I’ve had my heart broken many times but I can honestly say this guy caught my eye.

He was my unexpected surprise.

I remember the day we went on our first date (I always make reference to this day). I remember being terrified to meet up with him.

I recall constantly checking my make-up and making sure my hair as well as my outfit looked presentable.

I kept on thinking about how he was gonna feel once he saw me:

  • Was he going to like my outfit?
  • Was he going to like my hair?
  • Does my breath smell good?
  • Do I have my specs?
  • Should I put them on or just play it cool as I walk out?

My nerves were shooting through the roof!

I felt my heart pounding in my chest the minute I layed eyes on him.

I just kept telling myself “breathe girl, just breathe.”

When I finally got close enough, we hugged, he opened the door for me and we drove off to start our date.

As I sat in the car he looked over and started conversation… I could tell he genuinely wanted to make me feel comfortable, I could see it in his eyes. He has the brightest ocean blue eyes I’ve ever seen.

Not only were they beautiful but the person behind them far surpassed my expectations.

He took this heart of mine and showed me compassion by simply giving me his time.

He gave me his love and affection through his care and without agresssion.

He gave me more than most realise, his soul intertwined with mine.

Who would’ve though…

God knew he’d be my unexpected surprise.

LE. Lengane.

Complexity Surrounding My Being.

So I tried to find a cartoon character that best depicts me and I stumbled upon this imagine…

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to Ariel. She’ll be helping me explain the complexity surrounding my being.

As we all know South Africa is rich for its culture and diversity, I would know since I’m mixed.

My mother is a Cape Town coloured and my father is a Sesotho man from Soweto.

How my folks met is a story for another day.

I’m the fruit of their love, literally, I’m Lerato.

Anyway let’s get back to the discussion at hand…

The reason behind the title of this short story is to explain how life has been thus far as a mixed young lady.

When I was young I felt like I was “missing something” I don’t know, I think it’s because I looked different compared to family members from my mother as well as my fathers side.

I think another aspect that came into play was the fact that I don’t speak any of the African languages, yes I understand a bit here and there but I cannot have a meaningful conversation in an African language, however I can speak Afrikaans.

Language was definitely the root of all of the constant criticism and disrespect I’ve experienced throughout my 20 years.

I hated how I was made to believe that I was “less than” for not knowing my “mother tounge” as they call it.

I felt the constant judgment for preferring to speak Afrikaans over English or an African language, as a result my accent is that of a Capetonian, I mean can you blame me? I come from the Cape first and foremost!

  • People that were suppose to support me would make me feel like I was “picking one side of myself over the other.”
  • People that I regarded as “my friends” would openly and with delight make me feel like I was a diluted black individual because I had a coloured accent.

I was told I was “wrong” for openly proclaiming that I am a Black girl back in high school.

  • I was told that because I had a coloured accent.
  • Because I relate more to coloured people
  • Because my hair looked like coloured hair
  • Because I carried myself like a coloured girl
  • Because I spoke Afrikaans that I cannot say that I’m Black when legally ladies and gentlemen, I am Black!

Race has always been a touchie subject and it’s understandable, however racism always seems to show itself through the opinions others have in regards to how they “believe” you should act or be.

I’ve continued to do what makes me happy and be who I am, who God created me to be.

I won’t deny that being a mixed little girl had it’s disadvantages back then.

Imagine being told at such a young age perhaps 9 or 10 that there’s “something wrong with you” or “you’re a coconut” when you genuinely don’t see or believe that there’s anything wrong with you until someone decides to point it out.

Alot has changed since those days, I’ve embraced who I am and I no longer let what other people have to say effect me.

There will always be challenges but the way in which you come out in the end speaks volumes about your character.

I carry my flag high with pride.

I hope to share my stories with my future mixed babies.

At the end of the day, the complexity will always be there, however all you need is a map to guide you through it.

LE. Lengane.